It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
