I murdered the dance floor call the cops
are you so shy because you have an std?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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