Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
