he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
