I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
