New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
