That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
