Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
