Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
