I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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