The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
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if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
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Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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