My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
