I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it hurts more in the daytime
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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