I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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