There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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