i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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