Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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