wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Watching her eat just hurts me
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
