we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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