the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish you could order shots online.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I smell like Dick and happiness
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
