my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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