I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
