Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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