So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok