Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
pray to the hookup gods
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.