im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.