my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.