He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
