I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here