Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk

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(662): Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning (780): I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk http://tfl.nu/o2k0

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick

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(910): I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick http://tfl.nu/ykrr

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(732): View more from New Jersey

The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.

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(732): The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party. http://tfl.nu/2ynx

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

And you didn't burst into flames?

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(339): He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church. (1-203): And you didn't burst into flames? http://tfl.nu/aa0l

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(480): View more from Arizona

Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.

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(480): Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea. http://tfl.nu/itom

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(702): View more from Nevada

Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".

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(702): Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes". http://tfl.nu/tjre

Replies (3) Good night (683) Bad night (2730)
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(+61): View more from Australia

Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.

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(+61): Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking. http://tfl.nu/00hi

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(551): View more from New Jersey

Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me

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(551): Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me http://tfl.nu/723s

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(812): View more from Indiana

They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal

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(812): They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal http://tfl.nu/sgdn

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I feel like death gave me a hand job

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(505): I feel like death gave me a hand job http://tfl.nu/81uy

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(714): View more from California

Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.

(1-714): View more from California

This is why we're friends.

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(714): Mandatory 420 Adventure Time. (1-714): This is why we're friends. http://tfl.nu/cnbi

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.

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(402): The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms. http://tfl.nu/7exr

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(970): View more from Colorado

I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.

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(970): I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/dlw8

Replies (5) Good night (2227) Bad night (319)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.

(1-952): View more from Minnesota

No shame December is a go.

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(952): Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina. (1-952): No shame December is a go. http://tfl.nu/ilc6

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.

(1-330): View more from Ohio

I'm so proud, I have tears

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(330): I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out. (1-330): I'm so proud, I have tears http://tfl.nu/7h1f

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