So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
