I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Randomize
