dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
