Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
