We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
