Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
