Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
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I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
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I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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