Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
