It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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