I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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