Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
