Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
