Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
