I'm so fucking centered right now
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
