No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
