Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
