You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
