some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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