Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
