Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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