Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize