This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
