I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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