Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
