just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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