I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
