On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
