I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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