Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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