And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
