Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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