Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
