I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize