a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
