I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
