When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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