i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
